There’s been plenty written on the value of rituals before, with people using them to aid a wide range of things from achieving desired outcomes to alleviating anxiety. Some are just straight forward satisfying. For example, I find a streaming playlist more convenient, but there’s real joy in the physical ritual of choosing a record at the shop and placing that fresh vinyl on the turntable. Probably multiple things to unpack there!
In my fight this year with a brain tumour though, some other rituals have developed which I’ve found really helpful, so sharing as I very much hope these help someone else.
One of the things I’ve found really disrupted over the last few months has been sleep. There’s plenty contributing to this I think, a range of everything from anxiety and stress, the sore head from radiotherapy, the reduction in the levels of physical activity. On the nights I do actually sleep and dream, I often find I just dream of things related to this now. One night this week for example, how to manage falling blood count platelets so I can complete the chemotherapy course as planned. This means I often wake up immediately feeling stressed and burned out, then I start the day feeling off balance before anything's even gotten going. Things we’ve found that really help:
Janna makes tea and often puts music on. Anything will do, jazz, indie, classical - doesn't matter. I always find I get lost in whatever it is. It helps lift energy levels and I can lean into the music instead of mulling over tougher thoughts. Then autopilot takes over and it's easier to get moving with the day. As for the tea, the combination of antioxidants I think help with side effects but more importantly the comfort factor of a fresh brew! It triggers immediate memories of drinking tea with my Dad. He's not with us anymore, but it used to be the first thing we'd both reach for when I got in from school and he got home from work. We'd arrive home similar times, make a brew together just catch up on the day. Even now, English Breakfast tea puts my head in a more comforted space, he's still with me whenever I have a fresh brew.
After Janna and I have breakfast together, we do a brief meditation too. We’ve been using the Headspace app, but there are countless available now and a few kind souls have sent me other recordings on things like personal resilience techniques which I’m exploring. It's about trying to reframe what the night left at the forefront of my brain. The aim is to re-centre and calm my mind, create space for the day ahead. It doesn't change my reality, but it affords me a mental break and leaves me feeling just a little clearer and able to think about something other than the countless medical challenges that ran through my head all night.
After this, I get to my desk. I catch up with our team EA first, who has been stunning at helping to keep so much on track - a real 10x effectiveness unlock for anyone who can justify one! From there, other team catch ups and anything else to help Rodeo move forwards. There’re usually some medical appointments to shuffle, or another piece of research I want to look into too. That’s been keeping me plenty busy, and I feel is really making a difference to treatment too.
My third real ritual of the day is around 11am: an activity break. Good to break the screen time and reset creative energy. Pre Chemo days, this was my favourite time to run. Never much, often around 5k - enough to keep me in shape, clear the head, keep blood pressure optimal, etc. Janna got me into running after many years of resistance, but I’m a total convert now. With the radio & chemo treatment, I’ve had a lot less energy but tried to maintain this activity break. Now, it’s typically 5 minutes of yoga inspired stretches, a few minutes free weights/resistance work and 5 minutes cardio. Not setting Personal Bests, but good for both mental & physical health and keeps those chemo toxins flushing through rather than letting them sit and cause damage.
I remain keen to learn more - if anyone reading this has other rituals they thing might help, do please drop me a note or leave a comment. I’ve heard said that experiences such as this leave one changed forever. While I wouldn’t choose this path I certainly aim to come out of this year stronger than ever, so what have you got for me?